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Investigators working on the 1960’s murder case of Delilah have uncovered stark new evidence. The evidence in question amounts to a full audio confession from the alleged killer, and provides an insight into his motives for the heinous crime.

The unnamed (alleged) assailant was arrested by Welsh police late last night in what was called Operation Pantythrow.

A full transcript of the confession was produced but not made officially available to us. However, some of the main points were leaked to us by an anonymous internal police administration worker named Dai Llewllyn.

The unnamed attacker was reported to have been passing by the house of the victim. On the night that he passed by her window, he claimed to have seen her silhouette against the window curtain and she was in the arms of another man. Having later confronted her on the matter, asking “why” repeatedly, he managed to obtain the murder weapon – a knife – and stabbed her fatally. He claimed provocation as a mitigating circumstance, citing her repeated laughing and taunting. “I felt the knife in my hand and she laughed no more“, he said, when questioned by interrogators.


Delilah and some chap, 1968-ish

When asked why he felt he had the right to confront the victim with her alleged deceit, the alleged attacker said “she was my woman” and that her deception caused him to go out of his mind.

Several expert criminal psychologists will be consulted to determine whether this man will be deemed fit to stand trial. The fact that his confession was, bizarrely, sung to police will be also used as evidence in the trial.

The man was later heard babbling in his cell while asking his alleged victim for forgiveness, as he “just couldn’t take any more.” He has indicated that he will also be suing the police for criminal damage caused by breaking down his door during the arrest.

A file has been sent to the Director Of Public Prosecutions.