Ladies, we’re happy to report some good news. Scientists at the Princeton Institute for the Study of Thirst (PIST) have completed their research on the effects of drinking wine in large quantities and often. It helps you to escape from the tedium of normal existence and hide temporarily in a fug-filled world of happiness and giggling. But there’s more – their research indicates that regular consumption of fermented grape juice elevates you at least one notch on the class ladder.
That’s not the only good news, though. If you post regularly on Facebook that you drink lots of wine, especially those little pictures with regurgitated wisdom on them with phrases such as “I just rescued some wine … it was trapped in the bottle” or “I enjoy long walks … to my wine rack“, then your entire social circle gets to know just how classy you really are.
Round it off by adding pictures of you having just the most fun as a sloppy drunk, being picked up by your other drunk friends after a little fall, or helping them up in a comically clumsy way and everyone gets to see your sheer class shine on through. For an air of je ne sais quoi, add a photo of the table with some wine glasses – framed by a sunset if possible – to ensure the world knows that your dependency is complete and all-encompassing.
The science just works. Stay classy, ladies.