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Of course not. How could anyone possibly think they are? In order for them to be equal, they would have to be the same. And they’re not the same. Men have willies and goolies, women have mysterious things and lovely round ladybumps. They sound different. They think differently. The ladies live longer, on average. Chaps usually have deeper voices and are hairier on their bodily bits. Usually. Men are usually physically stronger. Usually.

At the molecular level, they are different from each other. The sexes are differentiated on passports, driving licenses and birth certificates. They have different toilets. Different underwear. Different changing rooms in shops. Aisles in supermarkets dedicated to the different products they try to sell us. They smell different.

Because they are different. Logically, biologically, philosophically and actually they are not equal. They’re not even equivalent.

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I do think men and women should treat one another equally though. Insofar as it makes sense. In the normal course of our daily interaction we should be sex-blind.

When I hear the clamour for “equality” on the basis of sex, I get a pain in my man bits. The word “sexism” has virtually lost its meaning for me. Forget that claim on behalf of your sex, insist on equal treatment on behalf of your species. The sex part is not going to bolster your argument, it’ll merely make you look like a man-hating lesbian. I’m sure this will infuriate some, but to those whose hackles are raised, ask yourself whether it’s simply because it’s so ingrained in you that you cannot conceive of another viewpoint.

The same goes for blokes, of course. Don’t be the whistling builder slob when you’re with your friends (and you’re more courageous) when a chick walks past. In her heels. Sorry, I digressed there.

My point is this: stop demanding “equality”. It’s impossible. We’re not the same. Demand equal treatment, because we all deserve that, regardless of our plumbing.

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