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Oh really?

  • Americans, leave St. Patrick’s Day alone, it’s for the Irish only.
  • Animal haters, leave Groundhog Day alone. I said leave Groundhog Day alone. Groundhog Day. Alone. Alone. And St. Francis Of Assisi Day.
  • Heterosexuals, step away from Harvey Milk Day.
  • Peace lovers, move away from the observance of D-Day Remembrance and Veterans’ Day.
  • Mothers, don’t even mention Fathers’ day.
  • Fathers, … you know the rest.
  • Infidels, forget about Ramadan, Muharram and The Prohet’s Birthday.
  • Gentiles, if I hear you even say Purim, Shavuot, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur or Hannukah I’ll be on you like a spider monkey.
  • Non-consumerists, stay in your homes on Black Friday. And Cyber Monday too.
  • Non-Witches, you may not celebrate Halloween with your kids.
  • Only people whose offspring have offspring may participate in Senior Citizens Day celebrations.
  • If you don’t work, Labor Day is not for you, pal.
  • If you celebrate Cinco De Mayo and you’re not Mexican, you can expect a visit soon.
  • Singletons may not even make mention of Valentine’s Day.
  • Forget Kwanzaa if your skin colour is not on the approved list.

Seriously? Are you fucking retarded? Merry Xmas.

Warning: the message above may contain sarcasm. Not for the hard of thinking.