Oh really?

• Americans, leave St. Patrick’s Day alone, it’s for the Irish only.
• Animal haters, leave Groundhog Day alone. I said leave Groundhog Day alone. Groundhog Day. Alone. Alone. And St. Francis Of Assisi Day.
• Heterosexuals, step away from Harvey Milk Day.
• Peace lovers, move away from the observance of D-Day Remembrance and Veterans’ Day.
• Mothers, don’t even mention Fathers’ day.
• Fathers, … you know the rest.
• Infidels, forget about Ramadan, Muharram and The Prohet’s Birthday.
• Gentiles, if I hear you even say Purim, Shavuot, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur or Hannukah I’ll be on you like a spider monkey.
• Non-consumerists, stay in your homes on Black Friday. And Cyber Monday too.
• Non-Witches, you may not celebrate Halloween with your kids.
• Only people whose offspring have offspring may participate in Senior Citizens Day celebrations.
• If you don’t work, Labor Day is not for you, pal.
• If you celebrate Cinco De Mayo and you’re not Mexican, you can expect a visit soon.
• Singletons may not even make mention of Valentine’s Day.
• Forget Kwanzaa if your skin colour is not on the approved list.

Seriously? Are you fucking retarded? Merry Xmas.

Warning: the message above may contain sarcasm. Not for the hard of thinking.